Anyone who knows my family situation knows that my youngest child doesn't like me much. You might think I'm joking, but it is true. He screams bloody murder every time I have to change him or put him to bed especially when Angela is home.
Well, tonight was no different. I decided to try to sing to him to calm him down but to no avail. So, after getting him all squared away, I held him close while he wriggled and screamed. I kept singing.
I held him with that kind of hold that said to him that no matter how much he fought and screamed I wasn't going to let him go.
A few minutes in, he stopped screaming and snuggled in. Every time I would come to a pause in the song, he would stir. I'd start back up and he'd snuggle in closer.
Finally, the song was over. As I laid him down, his eyes met mine and his mouth got really wide. His face said, "I see who you are now."
As I played this scene over and over in my head, I remembered the third song of our worship service today, Just Be Held. When we allow ourselves to be held in the comfort of believing in the unknowable, we find that we actually widen our eyes in recognition of something greater than ourselves. Just like Tony looked at me seeing me for the first time, when we stop fighting against love, we are able to see God clearer.
When you fight against love, you cannot offer it. When you cannot offer love, life becomes meaningless. Thank you, Tony, for reminding me that there is always the potential to stop fighting, to start loving, and to see God and others more clearly. - Shane Russo